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Healthy and Happy Love Relationships. Originally written in 1986, and a free online guide to time-tested attitudes & tips since 2001.

Your Sex Life is Very Important

Your sex life is very important, but the relationship should never hinge upon or revolve around it exclusively. Sex is much better where there is a solid foundation of love, trust, and respect underneath. There's an old expression that says "90% of great sex is between the ears"! Now before you say "ya sure" ...talk to someone who knows about Tantric sex! It only follows that with those underpinnings in place, both will be far more sensitive to their partner’s needs. Everyone’s body is different; therefore different people will be physically stimulated in different ways. Without trust, it’s most difficult to share those personal and individual preferences and/or needs. Love introduces gentleness and consideration into the act of making love (now we are talking about sex). Respect eliminates selfishness in the act, and allows a person to say "I don’t feel like it" without incurring guilt or resentment. Making love is an opportunity for you to share a special closeness which is uniquely and exclusively yours. With a solid foundation to the relationship, you’ll both feel comfortable trying new things with each other, and will enjoy more spontaneity too! Each time you make love, you will add to and reinforce the bond between you -- creating yet more of those all important "gift wrapped memories" you may need someday. As we come to the conclusion of this section we’ll capsulize the highlights of keeping it together.    • Avoid `ruts’ -- keep up the effort.    • Use romance -- say "I love you" without words; turning ordinary things into special memories.    • Avoid creating gender & strict 50 - 50 divisions.    • Don’t take your partner for granted    • Use your memory to remind yourself of all which has, and can be special.    • Be mutually supportive in all respects.    • Toss the "grocery list" and comparisons    • Don’t try to change your partner to fit your personal ideals.    • Communication must be an ongoing element in your relationship.    • Do all you can to offset the growth of stress.    • Do a role reversal occasionally.    • Establish an `idea jar’.    • Make sex a benefit of your relationship ...not a foundation.
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Those who have never known the deep intimacy and the intense companionship of mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give. — Bertrand Russell