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Healthy and Happy Love Relationships. Originally written in 1986, and a free online guide to time-tested attitudes & tips since 2001.

The Seeds of Disappointment

Thus far we’ve discussed the beginnings of a relationship, and some common sense attitudes toward partner selection in part one. In the second part, we examined the essential elements of keeping a good relationship intact and vital. In this last section, we’ll take a look at external influences which affect the way we perceive things, and why. We'll look at the seeds of disappointment we create unwittingly at times.

The power of ‘thoughts’ can build or destroy

... only you can choose which yours will do

... and only you will live with the result.

Let’s begin with a very simple premise: We live in a complicated, confusing, and often hostile world. It’s as important to gain an understanding of that, as it is to gain understanding of each other. The reason this is so important is because otherwise there is a distinct tendency to continually feel at a disadvantage -- like a lamb in the midst of a wolf pack. With that feeling present, one tends to grasp at straws; taking poor advice and/or direction because the assumption is that others know more than we do. The source of this `advice’ could be anything between a well intentioned friend to commercial advertising. No matter which it is, it’s often the wrong advice, and it’s you -- not they -- who pay the price. The most reliable guide you can have is your own intelligence and intuition. The problem exists that we too often under-rate our own intelligence. You must break this habitual assumption in all areas of your life -- not just in regard to your relationships. If you take advice from that well intentioned friend, what you’re really accepting is a conclusion based on their life experiences, and the attitudes they have developed from them. Does this make sense? Let’s use an analogy to illustrate this scenario. You want to take a vacation, and you are torn between Mexico and Hawaii. Having never been to, or read much about either place, you ask a friend who’s been to both. Your friend adamantly endorses Hawaii, and has nothing good to say about Mexico. What isn’t revealed is that your friend took a discount bus charter to Mexico, but the trip to Hawaii was a company convention. Obviously the experiences would be totally different, and their memories and perceptions just as different. Your friend isn’t you, any more than you are him or her. Instead of just accepting someone else’s thoughts, why not do some reading & research, and pick the vacation place which most appeals to your tastes? Then you will be making a decision based on your wants and needs. Also, you’ll have made the decision for yourself, and that will afford you a sense of control you’d not have had otherwise. It’s certainly not a poor idea to listen to and consider the opinions of others when trying to make a decision - - so long as you take what is said as an opinion only -- and don’t make it a `fact’ in your considerations. The same can be said of making a decision solely on the basis of commercial advertising. No matter what, it’s going to be the best according to the advertiser. But best for who?? Take the time to do some research, and select the product you decide is most in line with your needs -- not what the salesman decides for you. Advertisers want to sell you their product, and for that reason you simply cannot rely upon them to be entirely objective. Read on!
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy. — Robert A. Heinlein