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Healthy and Happy Love Relationships. Originally written in 1986, and a free online guide to time-tested attitudes & tips since 2001.

Promiscuity, Cheating and

Staying Lonely

In this last portion of this journal, we will deal with the hard facts of promiscuity and / or cheating.

These are the two best ways to virtually ensure you'll be staying lonely.

Needing and wanting companionship is a by-product of feeling lonely. Being lonely also often causes a reduction of self esteem - the "Why doesn’t anyone want me" feeling. It is these feelings which so often lead to situations going beyond original intentions. In other words, a person may not have originally sought or planned a sexual experience, but it ends up that way because the gratification of the companionship, and the fear being alone again, lead up to it - even if it’s only destined to last a single night. The saddest comment on the loneliness of so many people these days, is the popular expression which says "Nobody is ugly after 2:00 am". There is a certain desperation contained therein. Loneliness & impatience contribute enormously to poor partner selection. Loneliness you once felt will be replaced with awareness that you’re simply waiting to meet someone who will properly appreciate you as an individual -- for what you are as well as what you aren’t. Loneliness and impatience are also a `trap’. Loneliness can create an impatience which clouds judgment, and encourages compromises. To compromise is to cheat yourself of what you really need to feel contented, fulfilled, appreciated, and in balance with your partner and your own needs & desires. There are, of course, some healthy compromises which are needed from time to time when two people are together. But be aware that healthy compromise is a situation wherein both people are giving equal, or nearly equal leeway in order to meet in the middle for the sake of a common purpose or goal. Anything else is a capitulation which will inevitably affect the balance between you, and we already know how important balance is.
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Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. — Peter Ustinov