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Healthy and Happy Love Relationships. Originally written in 1986, and a free online guide to time-tested attitudes & tips since 2001.

Love Relationship Basics

Other than certain single-cell organisms, the majority of creatures inhabiting this earth continue their existence through male-female interaction. This means there are some 'love relationship basics' to pay attention to ... some rules, one might say! We humans are `love-tropic’ organisms which means we respond to, and need, love & acceptance, and we spend a significant portion of our lives seeking one, the other, or both. Simply put, we need each other -- yet we have so many problems satisfying that need. Our society is largely responsible for the difficulties so many people face. Chief among our societal problems is the breakdown of the family unit. Many children, nowadays, grow up having no real point of reference concerning what a family is. Others grow up without the full measure of parental nurturing and guidance because both parents must work just to provide just the basic necessities of life! And we’ve all heard of parents abusing their own offspring while venting their frustration, disappointment, insecurities and anger over the state of their own lives. Some men, threatened by the new powers of self-determination women have, resort to physical and/or mental violence to control them. Conversely, there are also women who feel so competitive toward men they feel compelled to manipulate and/or control those they’re involved with. The list could go on and on. The good news is that the people and situations illustrated above are actually not in the majority -- they’re simply more visible, and therefore more focused on and talked about. Unfortunately, that means we are literally bombarded with negativity where relationships are concerned, and whether we like it or not, it has an undermining effect on each of us to one degree or another. Consequently, we often tend to jump into relationships too soon, and for the wrong reasons -- mistakenly believing we’ve found some sort of "safe-haven" from all that `ugliness’ we’ve been subjected to, and even more unfortunately, when things start to sour, we then begin to make excuses and justifications for it which only provides time for things to get worse! The outcome is a negative experience which is deemed consistent with all we’ve heard, and from that we develop attitudes which can be very difficult to change later on. Most of us are quite willing to enter into a faithful, supportive relationship. The difficult parts are getting past our fears of failure, past experiences and finding that right person of course! The right person can do a whole lot toward healing our fears and old hurts. The search for Mr. or Ms. Right isn’t really isn’t as much a matter of searching through a lot of quantity, as it is a matter of being intelligently selective in accordance with our own values, needs, desires, and aspirations. The bottom line is this: there are many people who are truly unaware of what a close relationship feels like, and therefore can’t really know what to look for, for themselves, or even what they, themselves, are able to contribute to one. Establishing these things is a matter of first being aware of what could be, and then a process of honest introspection to determine the answers to those questions. These aren’t ‘bad’ people, just people who, as with all of us, are the result of their own life’s experiences. Often they’ve endured one disappointment after another which has only served to compound the negative things they’ve learned to believe. It’s got to be a tough position to be in knowing something is missing in your life, yet being unable, or too afraid, to recognize what it is and not be able to comprehend why happiness seems so elusive. Relationships can and do work, but they take work, and certain ‘basics’ are essential to begin with. They’re basics which pertain to the selection of a partner, and to a relationship in general. They’re fundamentals which are easy enough to learn, but do take work to apply. The first thing you must do is make a commitment to yourself -- a commitment to do the personal work on old problems and attitudes, then not compromise on the individual things you need to be truly happy and fulfilled. Without that commitment, your likelihood of finding yourself with the wrong person (again?), is increased substantially! It’s not the easiest thing to find what you want; but with patience, self respect, and some good old common sense, it is possible. Considering the major role a partner plays in our lives, it should only make sense to carefully select who that person will be. I hope this small book will help you on your way to finding that one special person with whom life can be such a wonderful and fulfilling adventure.
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We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. — Tom Robbins