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Healthy and Happy Love Relationships. Originally written in 1986, and a free online guide to time-tested attitudes & tips since 2001.

Engaging in Casual Sex

In this day and age of AIDS, and with the spread of herpes, engaging in casual sex, especially with unfamiliar partners, is a risky and dangerous pursuit.

In the case of people who engage in blatant promiscuity,

or the ego trip of "conquests" ... add "stupidity" to the list.

However, this journal is not being written for those people only looking for casual sex or non-committal relationships; it’s being written for the people who genuinely want a wholesome, worthwhile and long-term relationship. If a person, through casual sex, even if the reason is underscored with loneliness, acquires AIDS, continuous loneliness will be assured by virtue of the disease. In the period between being infected and "termination", the inherent isolation and restrictions will negate the possibility of a normal relationship of any sort, and long term would certainly be out of the question - not to mention sex itself. A person would have to be completely amoral to carry on as before; at the same time knowingly transmitting the disease to unsuspecting others. Enough about AIDS; the disease itself will, in most cases, ensure the loneliness is not a long term problem. Herpes, although not fatal, is still incurable at this time. In other words - it’s permanent. If a person contracts it, they have two options (three, if you include complete voluntary celibacy) open to them. One is to look for a partner who also has the virus - a much narrower field than those without it. However, there are contact centers for people with herpes to meet each other. The other option is to try to find someone without the virus, who thinks the person with herpes is worth the eventuality of being infected, and who is willing to do what it takes to "manage" the condition afterward. It would likely be a lengthy search to find someone like that. In the meantime there would be the trauma of explaining the condition to each new prospective partner, the heartache of numerous rejections, and the fear of damage to one’s reputation too. All in all, it does not present a very pleasant situation. Herpes has a stigma attached to it which is unfair to the many unfortunate souls who are not promiscuous, and who are not indiscriminate in their selection of partners. It just takes one contact with a herpes sufferer who is in an infectious stage and may not be aware of it - no matter how careful they are trying to be. They would be the sufferers who are afraid to mention they’re infected, and think they can manage their relations around it. Responsibility and guilt? What do you tell a person, who you have knowingly infected, when they come to you with a lot of questions and confusion after a visit with the doctor? Difficult enough if it’s herpes - what if it’s AIDS? How do you explain why you have condemned them knowingly to an almost certain death sentence? These are the questions the carriers should be asking themselves. How many of them do so? I don’t know - do you? And if you did; would you know who they are? The bottom line is that succumbing to loneliness, and allowing yourself to engage in casual sex, is a game you will most likely lose eventually. Is it worth it? The old virtues of chastity and monogamy have never been more sensible than they are now. "Safe sex" is only "safer" sex - not a guarantee of protection from the possible ramifications of promiscuity at any level. Ask yourself the following question: " Is the rest of my life, and the happiness I want, worth a chance encounter with someone? If you play "sexual roulette", you are gambling heavily with your future. So think twice, three times and more before playing.
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Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. — Martin Luther King, Jr.